Fat and Black in America: Epilogue

It wasn’t until I was 10 and my mother told me I needed a bra that I knew I was fat. To me it made no difference what my size was, I was bigger but that meant that I didn’t get picked on because I could just push kids down or sit on them. I didn’t know I was fat. But I did know that being fat was bad.

Puberty hit at 11. I was 157 at 13. I was 216 by 16. I was bulimic from 16-21, gorging and purging almost once a week. It was hard on my body, I wore down the enamel on my teeth and my gag reflex was so worn it was almost impossible to keep food down while eating, I still choke while eating. But I wanted to be beautiful or rather, I wanted to be anything but fat. 
According to a study conducted by the Center for Disease Control in 2012, the majority of African America women are overweight or obese. Coming from a culture that values curvy bodies, rich calorie dense foods and spending your leisure time with others, not alone like at the gym, this comes as no surprise to me. Often times being the ideal black woman means being fat, but not too fat, big boobs but a tiny waist, a big ass but no cellulite. It’s a tightrope of unattainable ideals made all the more intense by the endless pictures of girls who seemingly have achieved it.

KING magazine is targeted to a black male audience

The study factors in much more than just poor diet and lack of exercise to blame. It found many factors contributing to why black women more than any other group are suffering from obesity like, psychological responses to racism and discrimination, living in neighborhoods that don’t have easy access to grocery stores and parks, eating food that is fast but not nutritious, and having children.

“Childbearing also proved a factor in weight gain. In a 2003 paper published in Nature, Palmer and her colleagues reported that African American women who have children young, are overweight at the time of pregnancy, or gain an excess amount of weight during pregnancy have a higher prevalence of obesity compared to white women.
And while they don’t have any results yet, the BWHS team is trying to learn if breast-feeding helps a woman “reset her metabolism” to decrease weight gain following pregnancy. The percentage of black infants who are breast-fed has shot up markedly in recent years, but it still lags compared to other groups. According to the CDC, 65 percent of black infants were breast-fed compared to 80 percent of Mexican American and 79 percent of white infants in 2005 and 2006. Palmer hopes her group’s research will encourage more black women to breast-feed and persuade policy makers to pass legislation facilitating breast-feeding in the workplace.”

Regardless of who is to blame, black women are dying and between the heart disease and the diabetes we should never feel pressured to be unhealthy because of the desire to be attractive. For weeks I have wanted to get myself back to the gym, eating healthy and lose the 50 pounds extra I’ve been carrying since I moved out of Texas. In the past week I have refocused my diet and pushed myself to go to the gym. It was hard, I was unmotivated and disheartened and every day I didn’t try was prof I didn’t have it in me. But one day at the g made it easier to go to 2 and when I got home the last thing I wanted to eat was fatty foods. I’m still struggling but I’m also still doing it. 
So once a week I will share a new recipe, exercise or fitness tip that is helping means I hope will help some of you. 

Banana Avocado Face Mask

If you know me, and I know you do, you know I love pampering myself. Long hot baths, sugar scrubs, exfoliates, shopping trips, vacations, I’m a creature of comfort what can I say? 
I am also broke. And its hard to keep up that lifestyle when you can’t afford the scrubs, lotions, and trips to the spa. But that doesn’t mean you have to go without! Just d.i.y. it baby! 
I had some old veggies in the kitchen and decided to make a mask with them before they went completely rotten. So I made a banana avocado face mask
Bananas are an anti-aging agent with vitamins A,B and E and the avocado has a ton of moisturizing properties good for dry skin! Plus this recipe is all natural so you know its good for your body! 
What you will need is:
  • 1/2 Banana
  • 1/2 Avocado
  • 1 egg yolk  
Mash the banana and avocado together, add in the egg.

 Make it as creamy and smooth as you possibly can, use a strainer if you want. 

 Then apply to your whole face and neck as well. Now lay back and rest for 10 minutes, add a cucumber to those eyes too! Then wash it off with a warm washcloth. 

Now your skin feel silky smooth and nourished! Keep the leftovers and bake them into a cake or use them on your face the next day! 

When Your Vagina is Sick

Georgia O’ Keeffe – “Flower of Life II”

I’ve got 99 problems and they all deal with my vagina.
I’ve got to keep her happy all the time, wear the right clothes, buy the right undies, use the right soap, or no soap at all, drink so much water, drink enough cranberry juice, eat yogurt, maintain my PH balance, not wear thongs, pantyhose, leggings, jeggings, or anything else that might restrict her access to air. Not wear underwear while sleeping. Use the right lubricant, or the right condoms. Masturbate with the right vibrator made out of the right materials. My pussy is a demanding cunt. 
But eventually no matter how long I maintain this dance I always… ALWAYS get a yeast infection. 
My gynecologist sneers at me with her arrogant med school educated face and says to me “Are you taking showers? Remember to always wipe front to back!”. I want to hop up in her face and ask her if she thinks I just got this thing yesterday. 
“Yes bitch, thank you! I was using used toilet paper, I found on the ground up until today, I’ll rectify that immediately!” 
Georgia O’Keeffe – “Bella Donna”
But the fact is, that most women get or have gotten some sort of vaginal infection. Our pussies are delicate, porous membranes enveloped between juicy thighs and dammit it gets hot in there sometime! What are we supposed to do? Sit on fans all day? 
Actually.
That would probably be pretty awesome. Unless you suffer from vaginal dryness. In that case nevermind. 
A vaginal infection is defined by WebMD as: ” a medical term used to describe various conditions that cause infection or inflammation of the vagina. Vulvovaginitis refers to inflammation of both the vagina and vulva (the external female genitals). These conditions can result from a vaginal infection caused by organisms such as bacteria, yeast, or viruses, as well as by irritations from chemicals in creams, sprays, or even clothing that is in contact with this area. In some cases, vaginitis results from organisms that are passed between sexual partners.”
Which basically means you can get it from anything, infections, virus, sex, antibiotics, clothing, the wrong soap or products being used on it. All beavers have certain levels of bacteria and maintaining those levels are fucking tricky and can be completely thrown off by anything. My mom used to make me drink cranberry juice all the time, when she’d wash my nasty drawers in high school, because it was supposed to maintain a healthy clam. 
Okay so we’ve established you are not gross, dirty, nasty, or a bad person because you occasionally or regularly (I get them around my period) because getting them is completely normal.
Unless.
If you get them so much that you are uncomfortable all the time, it hurts to have sex, it hurts to pee, you have a noticeable smell (and everyone else notices your smell) and you are being affected everyday of your life. In that case you NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR. Girl don’t fuck with your love taco okay??? Get that baby some help!
Georgia O’Keeffe – “Inside Red Canna” 

How do you know you have some sort of infection?
  • Do you notice a thick, white or yellow discharge coming from your vagina? Does it look like cottage cheese?
  • Is your poonannie itchy? Like really itchy, and red or inflammed?
  • Are you experiencing pain? A problem peeing or you feel like there is something stuck up inside of your uretha? Preventing you from peeing?
  • Is it uncomfortable when you have sex? 
If its a yes to all of these, you may have an infection. BUT, sometimes you are infected and you have none of these symptoms (like wtf?? right??) in that case, I don’t know how’d you know, but you should take care of it anyway. 
So there are many types of infections but the most common are: yeast infections, bacterial infections, Trichomoniasis (an STD), Chlamydia, viral infections, and non infectious. For the sake of time we will focus on yeast infections.
Yeast infections are caused by a type of fungus that lives in your coochie, your mouth, and your guts, of both men and women. When the fungus gets out of control you have a yeast infection.
Somethings that could increase the chance of these bastards taking over your downtown, is antibiotic treatmeants, pregancy, diabetes, taking birth control pills, thyroid issues, cortoisteroid treatment, or a disorder that affects your immune system.
They can be treated easily with over-the-counter medications like:
Vagisil
or Monistat
That are available at most grocery stores and pharmacies. They come in creams or weird egg suppository things that make me think I’m hatching an egg in reverse.
Now here’s where things get stupid. I’ve heard this a million times. Here’s what WebMD has to say about how to prevent yeast infections, with my own hilarious thoughts.
To prevent yeast infections, you should: 

  •  Wear loose clothing made from natural fibers (cotton, linen, silk). Um like 90% of the clothes sold in America is some plastic cotton/polyester fabric so I don’t know if thats possible. Plus I live in leggings and tights, aint giving that up.
  • Avoid wearing tight pants. See above. What are we hippies?
  • Don’t douche. (Douching can kill bacteria that control fungus.) Okay done.
  • Limit the use of feminine deodorant. Limit the use of deodorant tampons or pads to the times when you need them. You got it.
  • Change out of wet clothing, especially bathing suits, as soon as you can. Who doesn’t do this? Are people really just lounging around in sticky swimsuits all day? 
  • Avoid frequent hot tub baths. Okay if I had a hot tub I’d be in that asshole all day.
  • Wash underwear in hot water. 99% of my clothes are black, do you know what hot water does to black clothes? Do you know how expensive hot water is?
  • Eat a well-balanced diet. Don’t tell me what to do.
  • Eat yogurt. Who are you Jamie Lee Curtis?
  • If you have diabetes, keep your blood sugar level as close to normal as possible. Like duh. 
Georgia O’Keeffe – “Light of Iris”

So however you  manage to do all those things at all times, good for you, and for the rest of us keep, those things in mind but when you do get an infection, don’t freak. You’re okay and you’re gonna be okay. 

If you want more information check out WebMD page on it or go see your OBGYN. 
And remember: If you smell something, Do something! 

My friend has depression…

Over the course of 10 years since my diagnosis of bipolar disorder and manic depression, I have had many friends come in and out of my life. Many of them were exposed to my depression and the symptoms that it has. Some of theme helped me and supported me, some of them withdrew from me, but most of all of them wanted to help me in some way. It can be hard to know how to help a friend during these times, they can seem irrational, hopeless and stubborn, you may run out of things to say and feel awkward. But just being there for your friend is actually a huge help. So whether you have a friend, a relative, or a significant other here are ways you can help them.

 Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.
· The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people he or she loves most. In addition, depressed people often say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.
· Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. Don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.
· You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for his or her happiness (or lack thereof). Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.
Signs that your friend or family member may be depressed
· He or she doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore.
· He or she is uncharacteristically sad, irritable, short-tempered, critical, or moody.
· He or she has lost interest in work, sex, hobbies, and other pleasurable activities.
· He or she talks about feeling “helpless” or “hopeless.”
· He or she expresses a bleak or negative outlook on life.
· He or she frequently complains of aches and pains such as headaches, stomach problems, and back pain.
· He or she complains of feeling tired and drained all the time.
· He or she has withdrawn from friends, family, and other social activities.
· He or she is either sleeping less than usual or oversleeping.
· He or she is eating either more or less than usual, and has recently gained or lost weight.
· He or she has become indecisive, forgetful, disorganized, and “out of it.”
· He or she is drinking more or abusing drugs, including prescription sleeping pills and painkillers.
How to talk to a loved one about depression
Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to a loved one about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries he or she will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.
If you don’t know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. Encourage the depressed person to talk about his or her feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment. And don’t expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.
Ways to start the conversation:
· I have been feeling concerned about you lately.
· Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.
· I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed pretty down lately.
Questions you can ask:
· When did you begin feeling like this?
· Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?
· How can I best support you right now?
· Do you ever feel so bad that you don’t want to be anymore?
· Have you thought about getting help?
Remember, being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that he or she will understand and respond to while in a depressed mind frame.
What you can say that helps:
· You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
· You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
· I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
· When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold of for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage.
· You are important to me. Your life is important to me.
· Tell me what I can do now to help you.
Avoid saying:
· It’s all in your head.
· We all go through times like this.
· Look on the bright side.
· You have so much to live for why do you want to die?
· I can’t do anything about your situation.
· Just snap out of it.
· What’s wrong with you?
· Shouldn’t you be better by now.

Living with a Mental Disorder

From the film ‘Girl, Interrupted’


When I was 13 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was hospitalized and medically treated in a children’s ward, for three months. Since 13 I have had six suicide attempts and three additional hospitalizations. My condition has been improving, marginally since 21 despite not being medicated, but over Christmas break I had a sort of relapse. I was not suicidal but rather listless, depressed, and I refused to eat or get out of bed. My family was so concerned for me that they called a mental health center who came out and saw me immediately. I was put into outpatient therapy and am currently getting back onto a medication treatment.
There were days when I couldn’t eat.
There were weeks when all I did was sleep.
There were months when I would harm myself and cry myself to sleep.
It was terrible. Terrible for my family, terrible for my friends, and terrible for my significant others who wanted to help, didn’t know how, but were caught up in the windstorm of my emotions.
I failed many classes, lost a couple of jobs, and ruined several relationships because of this. I am filled with regret mostly because I don’t even have a clear reason for these things except for the fact that I was sick and unable to make clear decisions.
Since January I have decided to make my life the best that it possibly can be and I wanted to share some of my methods of living with a mental disorder.

“Sorrowing Old Man (At Eternity’s Gate)” – Vincent Van Gough
  • Admit it to yourself. Understand that you have a mental disorder, you are not a bad person, you have a condition that affects your emotions and brain chemistry. These things need to be treated, like any other health issue, and if you don’t treat it it may continue to worsen. Saying that, having a mental disorder is no excuse for being destructive you are responsible for the management of your condition. A person with a disease cannot expose themselves to other irresponsibly, right? 
  • Seek help. Inpatient treatment is admitting yourself to a hospital if you feel like you are a danger to yourself or others and/or if you cannot continue to function. You will have access to doctors who will asses your condition and put you on the proper path to wellness. If you are suicidal or homicidal I would recommend this option. Outpatient treatment are options like therapy, group therapy, and counseling, this may be once a month, once a week, or several times a week. If you don’t feel like you need extensive care you should seek outpatient care. Having a professional help you sort out your issues and ways of dealing with them, is the best way to come to terms with your disorder.
  • Let go of your old life. The way you used to do things is not working, let it go. The way you approached your health, your relationships, your career, your daily life is over and you need to accept the change. You may discover that the things in your life are contributing to your condition and they need to be changed or abandoned. I have panic attacks triggered by a fear of failure or looking stupid, and I have to start learning how to let go of that fear to live a full life. 
  • Research your diagnosis. This is your life, your health and you need to take responsibility for it. Look up what your diagnosis means, what is this disorder what are common symptoms and treatments for it. What are the effects of the medicine that you were given and what is the rate of success. Is cognitive therapy available for it and are you able to start enacting some personal therapy of your own to help you deal with the disorder. 
Designs from a candy store in Barcelona called “Happy Pills”
  • Take the time. Tell people that you are making moves to get well and have patience with yourself. You are not going to get well over night and you need the time, the space and the understanding to get well. If you are living in a toxic environment that is counterproductive to your health, you have to address this. You can’t get well on the inside if the outside is also a mess. Taking the time and making the steps to get well may require you to make changes to your environment. Evaluate the people around you and if they are not encouraging you to get well, then you need to move away from them and take care of yourself. 
  • Try some physical therapy. I used to hate when people told me to try exercising. I was like “are you calling me fat?!” but it really does work. Exercise regulates our bodies(to help you sleep), releases dopamine (the feel good chemical), and gives you an excuse to focus on something else in your life. There is scientific evidence that having a healthy body can help us mentally as well, sharpening focus, reasoning, and stress levels. Exercise is sometimes the last thing I want to do but I do it now because its a habit for me. It’s me time. 
Hopefully these things have helped you. I can’t tell you that I have completely recovered, it is a daily struggle to stay well and reach happiness. My goal in all of this is to live a peaceful life and come to an acceptance of myself. I am on the road right now, there are good days and bad but I am making the decision to keep trying. I hope you keep trying too. 
Here are some resources:
http://www.befrienders.org/ – International
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ – for Gay, Lesbian, Trans, Bisexual teens in the US

How to Buy a "Personal Massager" jk! Vibrators!

I’m sorry for taking a break from posting, but my life has been a whirlwind lately of exciting personal projects, I haven’t been able to write new stuff! And I’d rather take my time and write something good than give you guys crap. So, saying that, I’d like to come back with something truly sensational!
SEX TOYS. Oh yes.
If you live in America and you’re up late in the middle of the night, you probably recognize this commercial.
This is the worst commercial to sell vibrators that I think anyone could make. First of all, what woman opens up a package containing her vibrator on the street infront of her other female neighbor? A weirdo. Get away from her before she starts stroking your hair and invites you to that swingers club downtown with her husband. 
Sex toys can be very useful in your everyday life, as stress relievers, as ways to become more in tune with your body and sexual needs, ways to supplement sex when you have a disability, and as ways to connect to your partner sexually.  I wanted to talk about a specific kind of sex toy, my favorite, the vibrator!

Its sure is! If by shoulder you mean genitals! 
The vibrator is an electrical device that can be for external or internal use, some use batteries and some plug into a socket, others have remote controls, can be used with iphone apps, have dual vaginal and clitoral stimulation or work underwater. Whatever you’ve got going on between your legs there’s something for it! 
Let’s talk about some different type of vibes and what they are good for. 
Fingo Nubby Finger Vibrator, found here
  • Egg/Pocket Rocket – direct clitoral stimulation, discrete (able to fit in a purse or on a plane, for that girl on the go!), can be used on other erogenous zones like nipples and anus, are made out of hard plastic (for example the egg), metal, to look like something its not (a tube of lipstick or a mascara wand for example), or silicone with nubs on it for added pleasure. 
Power Bullet Mini Vibrator, found here
Studio Collection Lipstick Vibrator, found here
  • Dildo – used for internal stimulation, looks totally somewhat like a dick kinda, can be used to get on that g-spot, but be careful of the one’s without bases those get lost up in vagaga’s the most, and alot are made of silicone to replicate the actual feel of skin.  
The All American Whopper, found here
  • Rabbit (or Dual Stimulators)  – these are used in the vagoo and has an arm for direct clit sensation. So this will probably blow your mind and change the way you feel about men. You may decide you totally aren’t into men anymore after experiencing this, just a forewarning. Has a peen shaped dildo vibrator that you fuck yourself with and a smaller finger shaped vibrator that lays on top of your clit. Another feature that some have is the rotating beads that are built inside of them, these move the dildo around inside of you for another level of mind blowing pleasure. A real penis may not be enough for you after this. 
16 Function Super Rabbit Vibrator, found here
  • Anal Vibrators – these are for your butt. They are often shaped like butt plugs but with a remote or built in dial. These are great for men too for direct prostate stimulation (oh you thought I forgot about the men huh?). Put one of these inside of him as he is fucking you or receiving oral sex and he’s going to be cumming all over the place. 
Clear Jelly Butt Plug 
  • “Traditional Vibrators” – these are the no muss, no fuss vibes and they are pretty straight forward. Usually made out of hard plastic, with a dial turn on the bottom, they have a straight shape and go right up in your business. If you don’t want to go crazy with clit hungry rabbits, realistic dong action or buttfun you could try one of these, and just get the job done. And by job, I mean all kinds of crazy orgasms. 
Candy Cane Waterproof Vibrator, found here
There are all sorts of other vibrators out there, wands, butterflies, double penetration, vibrating panties, all kinds! The ones I listed are good to get you started. Depending on what you are looking for you can find what you want out of a vibrator. 
There are some other things I should note; get a big pack of batteries (it sucks to run out in the middle of a good climax), buy sex toy cleaner, find a safe place to put it, and don’t abuse it. Treat your toy well, it will do the same for you.  
Here is a link about the types of materials to be mindful of when you buy a sex toy. Since there is no regulation in America about the types of materials sex toys can be made out of, you need to be careful before putting anything in your body.    
If you don’t have a sex store near you, as many don’t, there are some really excellent online sex stores to order from, Babeland, Adam and Eve, GoodVibes, and Eden’s Fantasy. Most of them have discrete packaging and billing processes and a helpful customer service center. 
Here is how I spent my last post-Valentine’s Day day. 
Right now I own a vibrator from the company Evolved, it’s a waterproof, 3 speed, “slender” butterfly (hot damn!). It’s a little thick for my taste but the head rotates and the material is very soft. The butterfly is so strong that I usually only go up one speed, the sensations are very good and I often use it externally just on my clity-clit. It is crazy loud though, but has a nice handle on it. 
I’d recommend it highly, because it’s probably the best vibrator I’ve ever had. 
Enjoy this video by Cyndi Lauper “She Bop” a fun song about the joys of self service.

Well I hope this helped somewhat and you found something interesting about this. Sexuality is not something to be kept in the dark, under the covers! Developing your sexual health is as important as your mental health, intellectual health, or relationships. As I stated, vibrators have so many more uses that just getting off on, have fun and experiment

Catching Bad Juju (and how to get rid of it)

While making pizza the oven went out and wont turn on.
I was late for a test and wasn’t allowed to take it. 
The bus left early and I missed a day of work. 
I broke an acrylic nail (ouchies).
I had no one to celebrate a holiday with. 
This all happened in 24 hours. 
Sometimes life gets really overwhelming, as if we caught some really bad luck and nothing is going right for us. I have these days all the time (I once considered getting “Bad Luck” tattoos on my knuckles) and I find that I pick up negative energy easily. It’s like a domino effect of shit. One bad thing happens after another and it never seems to end. 
I have some techniques to get your energies back on track and feel better about your life!
  • Take a bath. A nice warm bath with epson salt or dead sea salt will help cleanse your energy away. Salt and water have purifying qualities and helps to recharge our minds. 
  • Take a nap. Your energies may be so drained that you can’t fight away or deflect those negative energies because your chi is so weak. If you feel like you need help to recharge while sleeping… 
  • Buy some quartz. Quartz has amazing absorbent and purifying qualities, it soaks up all that negative energy and spits it right back out, especially if you set it in the sun. 
  • Lay out in the sun. It’s kind of hard for me right now since its still technically winter but if you find a sunny spot just sit in it and let the rays of the sun warm your face and body. 
  • Check your horoscope! There may be a completely normal, astrological reason why you feel this way and you might have to wait until your sign moves into a new place in the heavens. 
  • Exercise! Or should I say… sweat! Sweating is a great way to get out toxins and reset your internal and external bodies. A nice trip to a sauna or steam bath might be good for you too. 15 minutes at a time and remember to rehydrate! 

Hopefully this helps you get your energies back in line and make yourself more attractive to positive energies. I hope this helps you!  

When You Have no Friends (aka How to be Alone)

Today was the St. Patrick’s Day parade and I spent it alone. 
I didn’t spend it alone last year but I found that no one had called me to hang out and I felt slightly… sad. No. I didn’t. I felt very sad. 
Me, last year 

I had to go downtown today where the Paddy’s Day parade was happening and saw many people, couples, groups of friends, families and I felt very alone. I was stressed, it was crowded and I felt very exposed as though everyone around me knew I was alone and felt pity on me. It was my anxiety [I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2001, I’ll talk about that more later] telling me everyone was looking at me, but that didn’t make it feel less real. 
I find myself alone a lot, because I have very few friends. The friends I do have, don’t have much time for me and don’t return my phone calls on a regular basis and that makes me feel like they don’t consider me their friend at all. There is something very distressing about feeling you are not a friend to someone you consider your friend. I am single so I don’t have anyone to fill my spare time with and my family and I are not that close.
Me, alone at the ballet two years ago

But I am here to tell you, being alone is not being alone at all. 
Because you are always with yourself and the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. 
When I am feeling sad and lonely I watch a brilliant video by Andrea Dorfman called “How to be Alone”. It points out all the necessities and pleasantries about being alone and turning that time into something that nourishes you and I’d recommend it. 

If you find yourself without friends or lovers or family try these things. 

  1. Turn on your favorite upbeat music and fill your head with song. I have a playlist called “When You Are Sad” on spotify and its filled with the music that makes me move. Beyonce always helps. I also have another playlist that is called “When You are Sad but Not Enough to Cry” that is more mellow. Sometimes in silence we find its easier to get wrapped up in sad thoughts, music gives us something to focus on.
  2. Go to the movies! My favorite thing to do! Catch a matinee, get a big ol nasty bag of popcorn and a cherry coke and sit in the darkness. You’ll find that you experience the movie so much more by yourself. No one to ask you to explain who is who and you can just laugh if you want or cry if you want. 
  3. Give yourself a spa day. Shave your legs! Finally (winter is almost you know)! Get at those stray face hairs or groom them! Paint your nails, get at those bunions, put on a clay mask and just rest
  4. Get a journal and write down letters to yourself, then read them later. Ask yourself questions and then answer them. Questions like “How do you feel right now?” “How did that make you feel?” “If you could have done ‘xxx’ differently how would you have?”. You’ll be impressed by the answers you give yourself. 
  5. Pick up a craft. Crafting was really popular when I was growing up and I don’t know if people are still into the diy approach but I know many girls who are making patches, jewelry, T-shirts, and nipple pasties. Make em and sell em! Start up a small business and name yourself CEO/Captain/El Presidente. My small business is going to be called “LadyBaby” and I will be selling hats, jackets, dresses, kilts, and faux collars
  6. Start a blog! This is coming from a personal experience *cough*. I don’t enjoy being around people in an intimate environment, of like 2 or more people, but I have many interests I’d to share with people! I love art, fashion, and such but no one I know shares my interests so I decided to start a blog. I get my thoughts out their and other people can read them. I feel like I’m connecting to others but I’m still by myself and I don’t get panic attacks! 
I hope this helps and you can find yourself becoming more comfortable with being alone. Be the best company you could ever ask for and you won’t feel so lonely. If you find yourself feeling lonely, its okay, thats normal, give yourself some time and try some of the things I said! ❤

Exercise – Work that Sexy Body!

Recently I started on a new journey to a healthier, happier life and part of that was incorporating exercise into my life. I have always disliked exercise and really, sweating in general, but I wanted to end the constant struggle with my weight and my looks by committing to a new lifestyle. So I got a gym membership and go atleast 5 days a week! Oh Lord! What have I gotten myself into???
So first things first if you are beginning this for the first time, assess your body and health. Do you have health problems? Do you have pain? What do you enjoy doing already? I have serious knee problems so I need something low impact but I really enjoy dancing so I joined a Zumba class.
Switch it up, one day do something like jogging, the next day lift weights, the next swim, take a rest day, then do cross training. That way your body won’t get used to the amount of exercise you are doing and get lazy. Remember to stay hydrated, stretch before each workout, and if you need encouragement involve your friends or join a class.
I started out at 182 lbs and now I’m done to 173 lbs after about 8 weeks. Not bad, its been a struggle definitely, but I’m trying and I don’t quit and progress will happen if you don’t quit. If you do quit, then you will definitely fail. Good luck honeybabes!

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